The Workout: Day 1

Have you ever had your own body curse at you? I did this morning. I tried to tell my body last night that I would be beginning a workout regimen. My body did not hear me. Or did it?

For starters, as I attempted to wake up this morning my body turned on the "but sleep feels so good" switch. Amid protests from the other parts of my body, my brain, which sometimes has a good idea once in a while, indicated to my body that this needed to be done in order to protect the entity, which is me. Albeit via protest, my body agreed to comply and of to work I go.

Upon arriving to the office I head straight to the workout room (the office I work in has an exersise facility). As the door opened and I gazed upon the equipment in the room, my legs began to scream as if something awful were shown them. It was at this time I realised that my own body was conspiring against me. An alliance had apparently formed between my abdominals and my legs without the brains' prior knowledge or consent.

So the dissention begins:

My abs and legs started sending signals to my brain. The conversation that took place, clearly was bio-electrical and occurred over the span of a few thousanths of a second (which is, as electricity goes is a long time, which means that the conversation was very lengthy). It is because the dialouge took place on a bio-electrical format, I will attempt to translate and paraphrase the conversation for you, the reader.

Legs: Well I believe that I did my job and walked us all this way. Should I really be subjected to this excess work. I mean really, We feel great.

Abs: We agree with the legs. we believe that we are holding up quite well. Honestly!... We assisted in keeping you balenced enough to get you here. Baby steps are in order. Let us revisit this issue tomorrow morning. We could then possibly consider geting on the treadmill or the eliptical machine.

Legs: Yes! Let us not be to hasty. Tomorrow will indeed be a good day to try this out.

Brain: Uh... Guys. Just so you know, I am running this show. I heard your objections and I find them to be baseless and without merit. Besides, the final decision lies with me... 'NUFF SAID!

Begrudgingly, my body began the process of the warm-up. I got on the eliptical machine and of course five minutes into the workout my heart and lungs just felt the need to chime in.

Heart: Excuse me Brain? Yes, Heart here. Ummm... I am beating really fast. I do not know that I need to be working this hard. How are my O2 stats?

Lungs: Yes Brain. Lungs here. I am doing the inhale exhale thing kind of fast. O2 levels appear to be ok but it is not going to be long before the endocrine system starts pumping lactic acid to the muscles. I received the memo a few moments ago and fatigue will not be long in coming. Should we stop.

Brain: Alright... That does it! Now I am really getting bent out of shape. Please standby...

Body: Uh-Oh!

Brain: THIS IS A FULL BODY ANNOUNCEMENT! I AM HANDLING AND MONITORING ALL FUNCTIONS! THAT IS MY JOB! SO CUT THE CRAP AND PUSH IT TO FAILURE! I WILL HANDLE THE OVERLOAD FAULT SWITCH ! I AM THE BRAIN. I SEE ALL AND KNOW ALL! DO NOT CONCERN YOURSELF WITH GETTING HURT! I WILL PREVENT ALL EXCESSIVE DAMAGE TO JOINTS AND OTHER SYSTEMS! THANK YOU!!!

Legs: (mumbles) Asshole.

Asshole: You called?

Legs: Nevermind! (sigh)

So I begin my workout. Everything is going well until we start working the hamstring muscles.

Legs: Cramp in the hamstring Mr. Smarty-stem... Now what?

Brain: Endorphines are already there and steps are already being taken to loosen it up.

Legs: (fist hitting the hamstring) BANG! BANG! BANG!... Ow Ow Ow... Oh. alright that is much better. We are loose now.

Brain: Great! Get back to work.

In the end, the workout was great. I felt good (especially after I took a shower). I think I will come back tomorrow and do mostly cardio.

Heart/Lungs: Great! You better not hurt us!

Brain: SHUT UP!

I will see you later on!