Much Too Deep

You know, I’ve been given to thinking about things a bit more and trying to see things a different way.  But sometimes, I come across something that quietly reminds me of who I am and how I should take things.

I have been told and have done some reading on this and I don’t want it to be true sometimes, but I have to remember that I would not be who I am if this were not the case.

What I notice is that I really fight the fact that I tend to feel things pretty damned deeply.  I do not want to but I do.

Friendship means a lot to me it seems in all its forms.  The variable in all friendships is the people that interact with each other.  Maybe I am seeing this incorrectly, but there seems to be a common theme in all of my friendships and the interactions therein.

It seems at some point, I get pushed away by everyone.  For whatever the reason, I get pushed away and not told why this is occurring.  That really sucks.  What makes it worse is that the level of honesty falls through the floor.

I actually had some strong recurring dreams that in the end everyone I ever knoew and had interactions with will leave and I will be alone.  What is scary about this is that I seem to be just fine with it.

Sometimes I find out why, later on down the road.  I am often told “I did not know how to tell you without hurting you.”  This recurring theme would suggest that my feelings would be hurt by this.

Here is where it gets sad:  I often try to tell people not to worry about it.  It might hurt and be bothersome for a time but at least the level of honesty was preserved.

Unfortunately, this is almost never the case.

It is at this point I should say that I could really use a friend…  How about it Dad?  You know I miss you and I could use a reassuring hand on my shoulder.  Don’t you think?

~Ryzyn~

A Single Moment - Before The End Of A Dream

As I walk across the fields, I take in the openness of the moors.  This place.  It gives rise to remembrance.  A memory so clear and vivid, it seemed like only moments ago.

Were that I able to describe the entire event, it would take lifetimes.  To do it justice, I would give every detail, every point, every nuance.  Therefore, I cannot.

But...  I can, however, give you a glimpse.  A moment.  A paltry, few ticks on the hands of clock.

Yes!  This moment is what I shall present to you.  A small gift.  A reward as such, for your hearing the ramblings of a soul happily lost in that moment, never to return.  Listen...

And in that closeness that I saw

Such great countenance - Struck with awe

Grace and elegance, I was touched with fear

The likes of which when death comes near

But oh that touch, that sight, I'd not release

For in that moment, I've known true peace

To be lost forever, to not turn back

To the edge!  The edge.  Into the black

The colors, the light, the beauty the sight

To throw it away.  Yes.  All for this night

Closer, approaching and nearer still

I shall not rush.  I'll not lose my will

That hue, that hue.  That jade like hue

What hides behind - I'd gain a clue

Closer still, this dance erupts

Till silent breathing interrupts

Snatched back to the world mundane

But to the fore I stand constrained

The moment closing, a gasp a sigh

The caress of lips...  The moment has died...

You see?  It seemed as if only moments ago.  But it was many lifetimes ago.  I pray you listen again, another day, another time. 

Fond memories have a way of lighting up the dark.  Even when you cannot see.  A simple thought to express a grin can expel even the heaviest of mists.  Even for a moment.

Ahh.  But a moment within a remembrance so bright such as this can lead even the most lost of souls back home.